Long time, no blog, but no use apologizing.  Let’s just say it is no coincidence that my last blog was written soon after the Moose turned 1.  After that, life caught up to me and I got caught up in it.  Updates will come when I get the chance, but I had an interesting moment today that I thought was worth noting in this digital journal of mine.

I was discussing the merits of yoga and meditation with my mom this morning, encouraging her to figure out a way to add some piece of that to her daily workout.  After I hung up the phone, I realized it had been a while since I, myself, had a nice relaxing yoga meditation.  Pre-Moose, I was a gym rat who frequented several yoga classes every week.  I was addicted to the thrill of achieving new poses as well as the relaxation at the end.  I started thinking of how I could work at least the relaxation part into my workouts. 

Moose, who is now almost 2 (!!!!) is finally weaned (more on that story later).  This means the only way I can get him to nap is by walking him around in the stroller (it requires at least 2 miles) or driving him around.  We now live in Southern Indiana, and there is nothing like driving down a long stretch of road through acres of flat farmland (corn and soybeans, mostly) to get you dozing.  After a fun but exhausting day, I decided to take Moose in the car around 4:30, grab some Starbucks and drive so he could get a late afternoon nap. 

After picking up my Grande Pumpkin Spice Latte, we started down one of the long stretches of backroad to get back home.  I had “Mary Had a Little Lamb” on repeat and had already attempted to call 3 different people (my normal routine on these drives).  Strangely, no one answered.  So I relaxed into the drive and started looking around me. 

To the left, acres of corn, open sky, old rickety farmhouses.  To the right, acres of corn, old rickety farmhouses, and a gorgeous setting sun.  The clouds were hanging low, streaking the sky like they had been painted on in broad strokes.  The colors were gorgeous – it is times like this I wish I had my camera and the skill to capture it.  As I rolled on down this empty road, the colors grew deeper as the sun started to set.  I relaxed into my seat (the seat heater helped a great deal!) and started clearing my mind.  Let go of the “to do” list, don’t even think about making dinner, forget about our holiday schedule. . . and that’s when it started.  That feeling you get in a deep meditation, where all the tension floats away from your body and a warmth starts radiating from your heart.  I let the feeling carry from my center out to my limbs, and clarity entered my mind and washed away the stresses of everyday life.  Anyone driving by me probably thought I was a grinning idiot, but at that moment, I was happy.  Just happy.  Taking in the beautiful landscape and appreciating all the wonderful people in my life.  All the while, Moose was singing along to “Mary had a little lamb” in his little duck-like voice, but that only added to the moment. 

I looked back at him and he grinned at me.  “I love you, my little Moosie,” I said to him.  And, as if he knew Mommy was having a happy moment, he made it even better by chiming back, “I wub ooo, Mama!”  Not long after, he finally knocked out.  After a few laps around the neighborhood lake, I managed to get home and successfully transfer him to the couch.  I realize I don’t need an hour long yoga session to get that meditation moment.  All I need is the state of mind and I can do it anywhere.  For now though, I need to finish painting the dining room, start making dinner (shrimp tostadas), and pull the calendar out to figure out when we are heading home for Christmas

My mom LOVES to tell the story about how I cried and cried every time they took my sister and I to takes pics with Santa.

So when I took Moose to the mall today, I did everything I could to keep him in a good mood – he was napped, fed, hydrated, clean, happy, etc.  I was determined not to have him continue my “legacy”.  We walked up to Santa and Moose was great.  Santa even made him laugh and Moose gave him his most charming smile.  I eased Moose onto Santa’s knee.  Moose was great, still smiling… until I backed away.  It was a look of sheer terror.

The guy who took the picture said this was the only one where Moose was looking at the camera and maybe people will think he was laughing.  Yeah, right.  Oh well.. guess we gotta do some Santa-training for next year.  Or maybe I can just get someone to Photoshop a happy face in there.

**As a quick note, here is some proof that it isn’t just me and Moose who were freaked out by Santa – this is my darling nephew!!

We decided to leave The Riggs with my parents when we went home for Thanksgiving, but only until after the holiday season. It is stressful for him to acclimate to a new place, so we figured he should just stay with them for the month (my parents have 3 other cats). I know he will eventually love it because my mom feeds those cats 4 times a day, whereas Riggs normally only gets 1/3 of a can once a day here!

But still, we miss that kitty. The silence drives me nuts – I am so used to calling out to him – Riggs, get off the counter (or bed or baby or oven), Riggs, don’t eat my food (or drink my water or puke on the floor).. And Moose senses something is missing. He normally pushes Riggs’ food bowl around with his Puppy walker, but I put it all away. So he walks up to the area, then turns around all confused.

Don’t worry Moose, we’ll see Kitty and all of his friends in 2 weeks!

Yesterday, my baby Moose (who is no longer a baby) turned 1. It was a bittersweet day, as most parents probably feel. I baked Moose a cake – my first attempt – because all kids deserve a homemade birthday cake at some point. Next year, I will buy one and make him some food or something!! I tried to tempt him to dig into it by covering it with Cheerios, but he was not fooled.

It was a small celebration, just me, Moose and Hubby. We celebrated last Thursday and last Sunday with the family, so I am sure he was tired of all the fuss!

We went home to Charleston (Goose Creek, SC) for Thanksgiving weekend and it was awesome.  Some of the highlights:

• Seeing ALL the family – I really miss my cousins and wish I could have spent more time with them!!
• Swimming in the new pool at Ben’s parents house
• Getting a Watsu massage from Ben’s mom
• Shopping with my mom
• Clemson whipping Carolina’s ass on Saturday
• Doing our now traditional movie-mommy time-out with my sister
• Going to see Carlos Mencia live at the last minute (thanks Joe and Kelly!!)
• and of course, eating and eating and eating…

Thanksgiving

We did Thanksgiving at my parent’s house on Thursday with the big family.  We had turkey and some other odd items that were still yummy.  On Saturday, we did a Lowcountry boil with some fresh steamed oysters with our immediate families at his parents house.  I was so sad that we did not finish the oysters   But there will be more come Christmas time!!

Why in the world have I not been able to keep this thing up-to-date?  Maybe its the Moose, maybe its my laziness, I’ll just blame lack of sleep

We finally got family pics made today.  Moose was great the first 10 minutes, then he got sleepy, hungry AND he fell down face first onto the floor.  But we got some good ones.  I used to always think these were a bit cheesy, until I realized these photos will likely be the only ones this year where:

1. all three of us are smiling

2. all three of us look good and

3. all three of us are, well, in a picture together!!

Here are some of my favorites, coming to a holiday card near you..

Prior to the Moose, I worked full-time and pursued my career with great intensity. Hubby and I were equals, at some points in our relationship making the same amount of money. We equally shared housework, funtimes, money, everything. The biggest adjustment to this SAHM gig is losing that equality. You would think, almost a year into it, maybe we have it figured out. But I honestly think no matter how open two people are, there is a bottom line non-equalizer: Men will never understand what we do and what we need. Don’t get me wrong, they will get it after the fact (when we explain it to them), but not a second before.  Oh yeah, and for SAHM who are still breastfeeding, I know the men will never understand just how malnourished and famished we are!!  Just another thing to put us over the edge.

Just a quick recap of this evening:
Hubby has had a tough, tough week at work. He is top management for a manufacturing plant that just did some huge layoffs with more to come. He has burned off some steam this week – played ball last night, took one of his guys out for a quick drink another night. So he tells me this morning he is going to happy hour with the HR guy at 4:00 PM, and he will be home at his regular time (around 6:30 PM).
I have had a tough, tough week with the Moose. He is not into sleeping lately, which means I don’t get any sleep at night. Hubby’s parents are coming into town tonight (Friday), so I spend all week cleaning up the house and trying to keep a crazy, mobile Moose entertained. I spend all day doing final clean-ups, going to the store, stocking up. All I want is to have a nice dinner with hubby tonight before his folks come in. Moose is not letting me do anything. He is tired, hungry, tired and is only happy when I am holding him. I can’t make dinner. I am starving. It is 7 PM and Hubby isn’t home yet. I am annoyed, but I know I can’t blame him. I still have to clean the guest bath. Not that his parents care, but it smells like sweaty feet and gym socks because that is where hubby dumps his dirty shit after playing ball.

So do I complain? Yeah, I tell him I am a little stressed out, but I know I have no place to complain about a few hours of lost sleep compared to the guilt and stress of layoffs. But shit, I just want a little something more than “I’m sorry”.

I want a job so I can have money to spend on me again. I want a job so I can do something all day besides trying to entertain an almost 1 yr old and listen to Sesame Street. I want to be able to call Hubby and say, “I’m grabbing a drink with the girls tonight” with no further explanation because he knows he has to look after the Moose. I want to be able to have a full night’s sleep because “I have to work tomorrow”. I would LOVE to come home one day to a clean house with a nice dinner and a happy baby.

But then I look at my sweet-eyed baby and that damn Mommy-guilt sets in. I think that’s the real deal, men have NO clue what Mommy-guilt is, does, where in the hell it comes from. Hubby tries to understand, but he always says “But Moose is fine, why do you feel so guilty?”

I wonder how things work in the Beatie household. (For those who don’t know, the Oregon transgender male who gave birth to his daughter).  Does he get Mommy guilt?  Is it a hormonal woman thing or is it the stay-at-home role that creates it?  Do SAH-Dad’s have this guilt?!?!

Ugh.  Enough venting.  I feel much better now.  And I am excited about my in-laws coming.  I can’t wait to see their faces light up when they see Moose.  And I can’t wait to be pampered just a little by my mother-in-law.  She will gladly take the Moose for a walk and let me have some time to myself.  Or with Hubby.  We’ll see.

A friend of ours let us borrow this toy that helped her little Pea learn how to walk.  It has been a big hit in the Moose household.  Take a look!

(*A little out of sync here.  This vid was taken about a week ago*)

We took Moose to his first football game.  Clemson vs. Georgia Tech, noon kickoff.  We didn’t get there in time for the 25 most exciting seconds in football.  Let’s not talk about the loss here, but Moose had a good time.  We were in the stadium through the middle of the second quarter.  When he got fidgety, we walked him around the perimeter, ate some food, then met Hubby’s frat brothers to tailgate the rest of the time.  They had a satellite TV setup, so we were good.  Here are some pics from Moose’s first visit to Death Valley.  Doesn’t he look good in orange?

My parents, sister, bro-in-law and nephew came up this weekend.  Grandma spoiled the Moose the best she could, loading him up with clothes and toys.  We ate tons of good food and went to Maple Lane Farms to check out the hay ride and pumpkin patch.  They also have a corn maze, but we didn’t think it would be fun to get lost in a maze with two babies!  Overall, it was a fun weekend.  The only downside was Moose passed his cold on to his cousin, but like I’ve said before, its unavoidable!!